So this is a story about Dairy Queen.
Plus a fight over ice cream.
Oh, and it’s also a story about forgiveness, choosing love, listening to your heart and being happy.
Here’s how it happened. I was in my hometown in Indiana last week and my brother and sister-in- law and I decided to go to the DQ. The rest of the family stayed home and placed their order. I thought my sister asked for a Dilly Bar. She did not.
Lesson #1: Listen when someone tells you what they want.
So I ordered her a Dilly Bar and a Heath Bar for myself but then I saw they had the (soon-to- be life-altering) Buster Bar. At the last moment, I changed my order.
Lesson #2: Always go with your gut, which is usually your first instinct. (Heath Bar!)
My sister-in- law asked if we wanted to eat the ice cream there at the DQ before we brought the rest of the order back to the family. I said no because I wanted to be “social.”
Lesson #3: Don’t operate your own agenda. Be flexible and say yes to others.
So we went back home. I drove. My sister-in- law (she’s smart that one!) asked me if she should drive so I could enjoy my Buster Bar before it melted. I declined.
Lesson #4: When it’s offered, accept help!
We got home. I gave everyone their order. DQ happiness all around. When I cheerfully delivered my sister her Dilly Bar, she angrily said, “That’s not what I ordered!”
Lesson #5: Breathe. And don’t get defensive.
But I did. I kept telling her that the Dilly Bar is indeed what she ordered (see Lesson #1) and then I shut down. I could’ve very well given her my Buster Bar (which is what she wanted!) but instead, I chose to enjoy it myself. Selfishly.
Lesson #6: Listen to your heart. Always.
My heart said ”“ in the moment ”“ “Just give her what she wants.” But for some reason I wanted to punish her for what I thought was unappreciative behavior and ingratitude.
Lesson #7: It’s not your place to decide how other people should (or shouldn’t) react to you. If you want to be in service. Simply serve. If you want more love, be love. Don’t expect people to behave the way you think they should behave.
So I closed my heart. And I ate her Buster Bar. Ouch. Later on, she said she was disappointed that I’d eaten what she asked for and hadn’t even offered her any.
Lesson #8: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
My insistence on being right created a mini drama over something as silly as ice cream. And it illustrates a point about how conflict all over the world escalates. From something small into something mean-spirited (and huge), because human beings have a difficult time allowing other points-of- view to exist besides our own.
Lesson #9: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be kind?
I ate the Buster Bar. Covertly. It wasn’t even that f**#ing great to be honest.
Lesson #10: The things we think we want in life ”“ if they are not achieved through love and compassion ”“ taste bitter and are full of regret.