The word meditation often conjures images of one sitting in silence for hours at a time and being a yogi. But if we take the concept of what meditation really is – a way to connect to self, gain insight into our true nature, become more objective about our reality and how we react to it – then all of our daily activities can be experienced as an extension of a living meditation. We can begin to use all experiences in life as opportunities to understand better the human condition. Our lives can become an exercise in self-awareness because without insight we can’t change who we are.
An example of this recently occurred in my own life when I was in NY teaching at our school there. Walking around the city and being confronted with humanity all around me in the form of long lines, lots of tourists (!), noise, public transportation, weather affecting everyone’s mood and just the energy of Manhattan itself forced me to use my experiences there as daily meditations of letting go of control. Not easy. Especially when I wanted to push some meandering, gawking tourist out of my way because I had to be somewhere and they were obviously lost. Move it!
One of the things that became most obvious to me is that holding onto things from a place of expectation (i.e. agendas, ideas, negative reactions) and the attempt to control our experience to fulfill those expectations is not only futile but it’s also stress-inducing and energy-sucking.
Why is relinquishing control so hard for us? Partly because we live in a controlling culture. Welcome to the state of humanity. We want things how we want it, when we want it, where we want it and just how much. And when things run counter to our desired outcome it’s like throwing a wrench in a carburetor. There’s going to be lots of mental noise and ultimate system shut-down.
Not having a semblance of control triggers our feelings of vulnerability and being exposed. We don’t want to feel feelings. Period. But especially those that make us feel raw and open. So by staying in control of things, we can keep actual uncomfortable feelings at bay.
But paradoxically, control creates a significant amount of pain and suffering because nothing is inherently controllable in our existence. We live in a universe that’s governed by the physics of chaos. So when we clamp down on life, our controlling nature just creates more stress or constriction or resistance.
What if you just tried allowance this week? All it takes is a breath. An acknowledgment that you are safe. That everything’s going to work out. That you don’t have to be so reactive or fearful. It’s a breath away. The breath slows us down. It helps us to step outside of the situation we’re trying to manhandle and just let it be what it wants to be instead.
Try it.
The thing you’re pushing against sticks to you. The more we create resistance to something, the more it magnifies, becoming more intense and impenetrable. And the more we then try to control, the more unmanageable it becomes.
Just drop it. It will be hard at first but the more practice you have, the easier it will become. It’s sort of like that old adage – when you’re angry with someone and don’t forgive, it’s like holding a burning coal in your hand with the intention of throwing it at the person you’re mad at. All you end up hurting is yourself. Ouch.
Simply try dropping it instead.