We all want to expand. It’s our nature to do so. But in order to do that, we have to move beyond our comfort zones which are put into place so that we don’t. Because expansion = change. And change, as we all know, is scary. So we shrink back into our safety net of that which is known and familiar rather than leaning out of the borders that confine us.
When we get bad news or life confronts us with challenges, our first response is often a shrinking mode. But we have the power to re-frame events so that we don’t beat ourselves up and actually begin to see things from a different point-of- view.
When someone rejects us in the business for example, we often get defensive. Our first reaction is to push against. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.” “They’re stupid.” “This business is impossible. I can’t take it.” Those are shrinkage thoughts. But all that actually happened was someone expressed an opinion, contrary to what we were hoping to hear.
If you like green peas, and someone said they find peas disgusting, you wouldn’t shrink. You’d probably laugh at the idea, “How can someone hate peas? Peas are like green little planets of goodness!” So why do we over-react when we get news about something we have an expectation invested in the outcome? When our expectations get dashed (which is yet another reason you should have zero!), we want to just think more expansively. “I see their point of view.” “That makes sense.” “No reason for me to shut down or get negative.” “I appreciate they took the time to look at my reel.” “I’m not really a fit with them, but it was great they met with me.” Or whatever it is.
Those are more accurate ways to not personalize what isn’t personal and you’re not creating resistance or a self-sabotage loop or defense against something. You just allow.
From a spiritual perspective ”“ if it’s all divinity (or universal intelligence or life force or flow or whatever you wish to call it) ”“ that means the stuff we don’t like is also divine. You can’t have it both ways. It can’t be that only the good stuff is divine. Or that divinity only exists in America and not other places or dwells within only certain people or religious faiths or lifestyle choices. It has to all be perfect or nothing is perfect. Because you can’t have perfection without imperfection. So when you’re challenged by stuff that wants to shrink you ”“ and you see it as less than holy or okay ”“ then look for an expanded interpretation.
If it’s all divine ”“ when we get resentful or lash out or call someone an idiot, we’re actually doing that to ourselves. If it’s all perfect and we get upset that someone is expressing their point of view, what we’re really upset about has less to do with them and instead what it brings up in us that casts us back into our own shadow.
Don’t do that. Why beat yourself up if you’re a pea and not a carrot? A violin who wishes to be an oboe is like not honoring the instrument that you are made of. Play yourself. And expand accordingly.