If you’re reading this you’ve probably graduated from the 3rd grade.
That means there’s no going back. That’s a good thing. You got your lessons and are moving on up.
So why is it we don’t trust that the things we learned when we were at a certain phase in life have stayed with us?
Life is a bunch of circles, not a straight line. And because it’s circular we will repeat or revisit situations and patterns in different ways. But we have new awareness each time we go someplace we feel we’ve been before. So we have new tools to deal with old information. Yes, we stumble. Yes, we seem to make the same mistakes and wonder how we can be “here again.” Yes, it appears sometimes that we’re back in the 3rd grade.
But with progress in life comes awareness. And as long as we’re moving forward, awareness equals evolution.
When we face familiar roadblocks or obstacles or seem to be stuck in a problem that feels more like a pattern, it’s important to move through the challenge with that awareness.
Basically, don’t allow old habits to kick in and run the show. Sure, we’re going to get triggered. Sometimes the habit seems to have a mind of it’s own. It does because it’s not based in conscious choice-making. That’s why it’s a habit! So you’re facing the same relationship problem you had with your ex with your current lover. What do you do differently this time? Or, you’re about to reach for that doughnut even though you’re not even hungry. What’s it a substitute for? Sadness? Loneliness? Or, you want to go to the gym or take an acting class or start writing that novel, but every time you’ve tried before, something “came up.”
The same resistance or fear may be evoked the second or 10th time around. And that can be scary when we seem to be revisiting something that generated so much anxiety or heartbreak or discomfort the first (or fourth time). The difference is you can at least see your participation in this thing from a different vantage point. You may still fall apart and succumb to an old habit, but eventually with persistence you’ll overcome.
Let, “I’ve got this!” be your new mantra. Because surely you do.
Artist and writer Portia Nelson best summed up this journey of awareness we’re all on in her short story, There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery.
Chapter 1: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am hopeless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in. It’s a habit. My eyes are open; I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter 4: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter 5: I walk down another street.
Actors in video: Liliana DeCastro and Chris Cusano