How to Win Back Your Power
We’ve all been there.
In a meeting, negotiating what we want, during an interview or even sometimes in personal relationships. Something is said that makes us lose our centeredness (sometimes for a second, sometimes irreparably) ”“ and we no longer engage in that interaction from a place of empowerment. We start doubting ourselves, shrink, question our abilities and our confidence sags.
We are these amazing, powerful, beautiful forces that suddenly become inert. Where did you go?
When we’re in situations where we have projected our power onto the other person ”“ and perceive them as being more influential, knowledgeable or more esteemed than we are ”“ we often can lose our center, thereby shrinking from our point of view.
So our own personal self-worth becomes lower than someone else’s opinion, approval or acceptance or love of us. So we value their comfort more than our own feeling of discomfort in having to tell the truth. We’d rather be in pain or feel anxious or uncomfortable than to question someone’s authority ”“ which may lead to their own discomfort. We don’t want to rock the boat. Have our opinion heard. Come across as difficult or temperamental. Not get what we think we want.
So we make excuses for why we can’t say something.
They know better. They’ve been doing it longer. They’re powerful. They’re smarter. They have what I want.
I recently had a friend tell me how he was in a big meeting and he just got thrown by something that was said to him and from there on out, was flustered and completely felt powerless.
As he was telling me the story, I asked him, “Well why didn’t you just tell them what you’re telling me now?”
Light bulb.
We generally don’t have a problem expressing to friends or family when we feel we aren’t being heard or are being compromised in some way. When we have an opinion, we voice it! But when we assume someone has the power ”“ because they are more attractive or wealthy; famous or have our answers ”“ we lose our footing.
But we also disempower ourselves in other situations when we make different excuses for why we can’t express our truth. We say nothing because we believe the person we need to tell is too emotional, unhinged, messed up, immature, dramatic, f*&ed up, out-of-control, fragile, or recovering from something that will upset them too much. It will ruin their day. Send them over the edge.
Sound familiar? We’ve all allowed someone else’s perceived shortcomings be an excuse for not telling the truth. So we’d rather not ruin someone else’s day and speak honestly than get free.
Let’s change that. Win your power back. Being authentic doesn’t mean you are hurtful or unkind. It’s simply about not letting someone say something to you that demoralizes you or renders your opinion neutral. The irony is, when people say or do something to us that makes us feel uncomfortable ”“ they have zero problem expressing it. They don’t feel discomfort in saying something they think, no matter how uncomfortable it may make us feel. Their self-value is higher than their concern about our opinion of what they’re going to say.
We need to be more like that. Not cavalier or reckless with our opinions. But brave enough to tell the truth even if that truth might be perceived however it’s going to be perceived.
The truth is; it’s going to anyway. So speak up. Ask questions. Express yourself. And stop putting your needs second to someone else if you’re scared they aren’t going to like it. How are you able to show up for anyone else’s life fully if you can’t show up for your own?